From The Simpsons, episode 257

Marge:  You lost all our
        money?
Homer:  Point of order -- I didn't lose "all" the money.  There
        was enough left for this cowbell.  [rings it softly, and
        the bell breaks apart in his hands]
        Damn you, eBay!

Damn you indeed, eBay! I made my first eBay purchase back in the legendary pre-Paypal era of the 90s(oh mes enfants, it was wild in the Earlies, as Flashman said of the pre-1850s) and seem to have been buying there ever since. Oddly, I have never sold anything purchased on eBay. I am pure eBay consumer. I've given away plenty I've bought, it's true (the door of the local Shelter shop closes softly when I approach with bin bag laden arms) but can't find it in me to flog it on (who to anyway?).

So why do we do it? Why do we buy stuff?

Hilaire Belloc's inventory for Dives summarises the hell of eBay pretty well:


                The fifteen sorts of boots you kept for town,
                The hat to meet the Devil in; the plain
                But costly ties; the cases of champagne;
                The solid watch, the seal, and chain, and charm;
                The working model of a Burning Farm
                To give the little Belials; all the three
                Biscuits for Cerberus; the guarantee
                From Lambeth that the rich can never burn,
                And even promising a safe return;
                                       * * *

But do we listen? Do we hades. In fact, I want that model of the burning farm. I bet Stefan Lindfors (see 'lesson two') or the Chapman Brothers could do it beautifully for a charity auction. As Belloc so very nearly concluded (amendments in italic):


                Then tell me, Dives, which will look the ass--
                You or myself? -- Or Charon? Who can say?
               They order things so damnably on eBay.